Tuesday, May 11, 2010

because everyone is in bed...

Sigh...It's 8:30pm, but it feels so much later. Maybe it is because my house is a mess, and I spent all day cleaning it. Maybe because I am left wondering if I gave my daughter enough attention. Enough affirmation. Or, perhaps because I know that even if my house was spotless, and was able to give my daughter the perfect balance of love and discipline, I would still be utterly exhausted. And wondering how I could have better. What a far cry from the epic women of God I long to be. One who laughs at dust bunnies, and fights soapscum in a single bound! Ok, that may be ridiculous, but granted, I am tired, and it is 8:30 :) Yet my heart's desire has nothing to do with laundry, or matching silverware, or perfect pie crust. My heart's desire is to be EPIC...am I the only one? I take pride in watching my daughter be a princess. She loves all things lovely. Her wardrobe almost solely consists of pink. She is anamored by flowers, butterflies, and ballet. And one of her favorite pastimes is to dress up in a tiara and a tutu and...have an awesome sword battle. Seriously. Complete with clashing sword sounds and dramatic death scenes. Why does this thrill her? Because she longs for her beauty to be a part of the battle. She wants to rescue, and be rescued. To be a apart of something that needs her, and her beauty. She sees her feminity, and her long to be delighted in, as a weapon that is unrivaled. How could I foget all of that? I desire to war next to my husband, for my daughter, for the kingdom of God, for the calling for our household. Not to sit quietly and polish silver. To stand up, and with a sword of silver, plunge through the heart of the darkness that will try to threaten our family. Epic. And beautiful. So maybe it's not the cleaning that is making me exhausted. Maybe it's the warfare. NICE:).

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